We lived through Thanksgiving Pre-sales, Black Friday Big Sales, and Cyber Monday Internet Sales. Apparently EMS is feeling left out. So today we are sponsoring a: call 911 for one and receive one free BLS transport masquerading as an ALS call.I don't know who put the word out on the street but let's say we had more than our usual group of loonies. This sale thing does not transfer well from retail store to public service. It's 0630 and the over night boys are just returning after a whole night of not returning to quarters. They look like, well, the bags under their eyes have bags. Cue diabolical dispatcher number 911. Ambulance, Medics difficulty breathing, chest pain, fall, possible OD, arterial bleeding, diabetic episode, psychiatric problem, I don't have any idea what he said because I was focused on my partner and what I thought he said: "You guys look tired why don't you clean up and go home." No good deed ever goes unpunished.
I have an aversion to assisted living facilities. I question both the assistance and the living but that's another story. We arrive at shift change and are accosted by the workers: "Why are you here?" Well, let's see, we know that you serve a great breakfast? "Over here ambulance driver." Allow slow burn to commence.
OK, so I'm not much to look at at 0630, but I have training, I have a uniform, and by God I have a name tag!
"Can you move that THING."
Pardon me?
"That YELLOW thing."
Are you referring to my stretcher?
"You're making me late to breakfast." (Yeah, sure buddy, let me push this useless thing back five doorways so you can get your fat never mind to breakfast. Don't worry about that elderly woman in the room that we always have trouble getting into because they got the cheapest elevator they could find, in the smallest size available, and it's built so even a wheelchair takes up most of the room and she's having difficulty breathing.)
Ah, wait a minute sir and we will be finished here.
"She's not sick." (Odd that's what I was thinking.)
What would make you think that sir?
"She shut her oxygen off last night and didn't turn it back on." (I may reconsider moving the stretcher for you new friend.)
Hey Newly Minted Medic: Is her oxygen on?
"She doesn't have any oxygen."
"Yes I do sonny. It's over there. Turned it off because the hose gets all tangled up."
Let's put that back on like this young lady. Cue O2 sat increase from 88 to 95.
"Oh, that feels better. I can see again." (Lord just take me now.)
Retarded Nurse #1: Well she still has to go to the hospital because I already made out the paperwork.
Cue Sprint commercial, as we stand in silence quiet enough to hear the old guy waiting in the hall pass gas. I know they dropped a pin but my commercial is way more appropriate.
Do you want to go to the hospital?
"No need to I feel fine."
Sign here.
RN#1: Well you just ruined my whole day. (Glad to have spread some cheer anywhere I can.)
By the way sir how did you know she didn't have her oxygen on?
"Hi Retired Gentleman." Hi Elderly Retired Teacher.
I'm on my way to breakfast. Can I get my teeth from the night stand?
Cue second period of more profound silence broken only by the sound of RN#1 jaw hitting the floor.
Retired Gentleman smiling as he pushes past to grab teeth.
Recall ALS, were returning. Come on Newly Minted.
RN#1: Can you take Retired Department Store Worker to the ER? She hasn't been feeling good since yesterday.
Taxi 1 to dispatch...as it turned out only 9 more to go!
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